What is anger? Is It an emotion or an uncontrolled response to a situation you can see coming from a mile away? When I was studying management in college, just after the stone age, we studied emotional responses to internal and external influences. These would manifest itself in what they described as I’m OK Your Ok management style.
The idea was to enable the manager to recognize personalities and how to deal with them. There are those called, I’m ok, you’re not ok. This is a person who is never wrong in their minds therefore you must be wrong. The, I’m ok, you’re ok person who can reasonably respond to constructive criticism. Then there’s, I’m not ok, you’re ok. This would be a more timid or introverted person who cannot take constructive criticism.
Anger for the person in the category of, I’m ok you’re not ok is a conditioned response to anyone who evens asks a question. This is referred to as a parental response. “Do It, because I said so.”
This parental response should response be addressed with an adult response. “It is another way to approach the problem. How would it improve the method we already use?”
If the parental response is met with another parental response, the possibility of a violent situation could exist. Be the adult in the room.
The ones identified as, I’m not ok you’re ok will need to be more mentoring than the others and needs more one-on-one time to help build confidence and for them to see you want to help and not stuff them back in their old high school locker.
I’m ok you’re ok person is the ideal for an employee or a friend. I’m not ok you’re ok can be a lot of work, but is usually one on the most loyal friends or employees if you have the time and patience.
I’m ok you’re not ok person is going to be an uphill battle. They will remain argumentative and head strong. It will be their way or the highway. You make the call on that one.
The Moral of the Story: Chose carefully your responses to other people. You always want to be the adult in the conversation. What category of, I’m ok, you’re ok are you in?